Truth and Lies and Videotape

Oh, the things we tell ourselves.

I’ve been thinking about doing a video journal for some time now. As I thought about it again this morning, this post seemed to create itself.

Truth.

I have strength. Immense strength. Strength so strong I’ve survived both my parents. Strength so strong I press “Publish” more often than not. Strength so strong I say, “Yes I am,” even when I don’t have to. Strength so strong I choose love even after breaking a heart or having my heart broken. Strength so strong I choose to get out of bed every single day.

Lies.

I don’t have it in me. I’m not who you think I am. When you see my weakness you will think, Oh what a shame, and she held such promise… I have no real talent. I’m not as good as her over there. I’ll never be as successful as him. My heart is not big enough for all my pain. I don’t have strength enough to be a leader. I am the fraud everyone must think I am.

Videotape.

The lies I tell myself sometimes are necessary in order to give context to who I really am. I don’t just believe who I am because I say it’s so, I believe in who I am because I’ve tested my own waters. I’ve asked the questions that seem unaskable, unbearable. And then I’ve answered those questions. I’ve taken steps forward, and taken steps back. I’ve slipped and I’ve fallen and I’ve gotten back up again. Sometimes I don’t even bother dusting myself off. I’m greater than I could ever possibly imagine I am, and I am in constant motion in and towards that greatness. I am alive and thriving. I am my strength. I am my weakness. I am my self. I am.

What’s your truth?

June is Self-Evidence + Authenticity month here at Authentic Realities. This post is a part of my June blog challenge, which I invite you stick around for, read a bit, and even get yourself in the mix if it suits your fancy.