Curious Comes Out of the Closet

by Dian Reid-Jancic· Follow Dian on

I’m fascinated with the whole coming out process in the LGBT Community—the fact that it really is a process, and that no matter how different, everyone’s process seems to follow a similar path. In fact, I just began a new video series on (Coming Out: Yup, It’s a Process) wherein I break down the coming out process into the five parts that have become so dear to me:

  • Curiosity
  • Self-Realization
  • Questioning
  • Saying the Words Out Loud
  • Living Authentically



The video above is the first in the series, and outlines the major points. Today I want to dig a little deeper into curiosity here with you:

cu·ri·os·i·ty: [kyoor-ee-os-i-tee]

–noun, plural -ties.

1. the desire to learn or know about anything; inquisitiveness.

Or in my terms:

Being in wonder-osity about who you are, what’s going on with your physical and emoticonic muscles, and exploring the feelings and eye-poppings you’re having to learning about yourself.

What we’re talking about here is being curious about your sexuality, about your gender, and about what’s rumbling around inside as you discover your fantasmic-gay-(or bi- or lesbo- or trans- or queer or [yahoozie-new]) self.

My experience with curiosity.

I spent my early adolescence in internal curiosity, which is to say that my thoughts on the *schwing* explosion in my body when I swooned over a girl, were kept under strict lock and key (and no one had the key) until I was nearly out of my teens. Even then, I found myself confiding in my friend only after I found out her friend was … you know … [whisper…look to make sure no one is listening or reading over your shoulder] … LESBIAN!! I believe I’m also using the word “confiding” liberally. My curiosity around my friend’s friend went something like this:

J: Hey, me and [Betty] are going to the Aladin tonight. It’s a gay bar, wanna come?
Me: *heart thumpage* *weak in the ankles* *oh gawd too much time has passed and I’m standing here looking like an idiot!*
J: Uh … so you wanna come or what?
Me: Umm, okay.

I’m pretty sure I wanted to ask questions, like What should I wear? [Will I fit in with my jeans, t-shirt, and Doc Martens??] but I kept to myself because I didn’t want to ask stupid questions or seem like I wasn’t in-the-know.

What I’ve learned about the state of being curious:

It’s okay to not be in-the-know when you’re curious … it’s what being curious is all about. And that’s where we have some of our best learning. You don’t have to act like you know anything, you just have to be curious. People may want to label you before you’re ready, but first you need to learn what the labels are. Maybe even try some on and see if any of them fit you. If they do, GREAT! If they don’t, GREAT! (More on that when I post on Self-Realization)

Curiosity isn’t about judgment … it’s about discovery. Really getting to know who you are and how you feel about both yourself (and others). Leave the judgments in the freezer for the moment, and really strive for learning about your own emotions and reactions to who you are before getting all caught up in someone else’s.

Using curiosity to your advantage:

If someone tries to label you before you’re ready or put you down because you’re checking out who you are, take it like a grain of salt and throw them over your shoulder. ‘Splain it to them that you’re just being you, and  it’s okay if you’re not their bag, baby. Or just walk away. Don’t let anyone try to fit you into their past experience and claim they’ve seen “your kind” before. Ain’t no woman like the one you are, sweet pea.

Allow your curiosity to take you into unexplored territory in both your real life and your inner tv-life. Get to know yourself, develop your character and find out who you are and how you react in various situations—even if it’s uncomfortable. Just like getting into a cool pool, you’ll adjust and before you know it, you’ll be all warm and fuzzy, splish-splashin around, getting wet in ways you never even knew were possible. (Yup, I just went there.)

Curiosities to ponder:

  • What types of peeps do you LIKE-like? (boys, girls, double dabble … brainiac, comedian, eccentric … sporty-chic, hot musician, tatted-up biker chick … uniformed chica, latin-love-diva, stiletto stompin sexy mama…so many wonderful types to choose from!)
  • What do you notice about yourself and your mind-frame when you’re near your crush? Where in your body do you feel that attraction? (You just might be surprised at your answer to this one…)
  • What’s comfortable about the attraction? What uncomfortable about it?
  • Which of your strengths are present when you ponder your sexuality? Which of your weaknesses?
  • What’s most comfortable about your sexuality? Least comfortable?
  • What have your curiosities led to you understand or learn about yourself?

But of course, this all comes from the learning in my own process in coming out. What’s your process and how have you worked through it?

What’s next: Self-Realization


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