Day 1: 21.5.800

by Dian Reid-Jancic· Follow Dian on

In addition to writing on 13 topics in the month of June for my Self-Evidence + Authenticity Blog Challenge, I’ve now challenged myself to kick it (me, my writing, my body, my spirit) into high gear by participating in 21.5.800. Bindu Wiles has laid out a very simple (and stretch yourself) set of guidelines: 21 days of: 5 days of yoga each week + 800 words per day.  My body’s been looking for ways to feel useful again, and this seems to be a perfect start.

I read Bindu’s story of her first day, and it sounded nothing like mine. “Oh, how you should have done it differently!” I shouted at myself. See, her “5” began with 7 miles of bike riding just to get to the yoga studio. Mine began with 7 steps on my hardwood floor just to get to my yoga mat the living room.

I had to remind myself that I am not her. I also had to remind myself that I am grateful for that.

It’s so easy to want to be someone we’re not, especially when the Ego tells us, “Hey, Dumbass…they’re better than you, you know…” At which point I have to decide whether I’m in the mood to tell my Ego: a) [something polite, which I can’t even think of right now] or, b) Hey, Ego: Go fuck yourself.

You can imagine which I used this afternoon.

It’s a constant conscious effort to keep my Ego in check. Funny thing is, I didn’t always realize the Ego needed to be kept in check. I had a client recently remind me of how I used to believe in the Ego.

I used to believe that Ego = Self-Esteem/Confidence. That if one had a huge Ego, it meant that one had an overload of Self-Confidence. Until my early thirties, most of my confidence was not in myself, so I figured I was safe from the Ego. Just what the Ego would have me believe.

What I can say for sure now is that the Ego has nothing to do with Self-Confidence. Self-Confidence is knowing from within. I can now safely say that my Self-Confidence is rightly in tact, and my Ego is whimpering on the porch, begging to be let back in. I have compassion for my self, and not my Ego.

All this, to tell myself that Bindu is not better than me. Nor am I better than she. We are not in competition. We are autonomous.

These 432 words are not my little bit for the “800” portion of her challenge. It’s just what’s on my mind, and I’m wondering how you keep your Ego in check…

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{ 4 comments }

Julie Jordan Scott June.9.2010 at 1.08 am

Ego: such a fascinating beast. Loved reading of your words today. Mine didn't turn out at all like I expected them to turn out, either. You just never know where the words and the body will take you.

jerry smith June.9.2010 at 2.56 am

so glad i found this. really getting into authenticity, philosophy, etc these days.
just started a blog of my own, so you are an inspiration, thanks!
http://myauthenticity.wordpress.com/

C. A. Kobu June.9.2010 at 8.34 am

Lovely post, Dian! Thank you. The ego is so sneaky, isn't it? And it's so connected to fear and insecurity. But I think it needs compassion to. I've realized that each time I 'fight' against or ignore something, it gets stronger. I can show compassion to my ego and understand it so that I can transform it gently.

Teryll June.9.2010 at 4.38 pm

Holy Moley, Dian! As I read your blog, I kept raising my hands up in solidarity. Man, I so RELATE to this. The grass is always greener on the other side is something I constantly struggle with…of course, the grass only APPEARS to be greener. I'm going to check out Bindu's site!

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