As I’ve begun my three minutes of silence “project” I’ve started to notice my breathing. I’ve kind of skipped over the quality of the breaths for now, and am just noticing what happens when I breathe in, what happens when I breathe out. It’s not that I’ve never noticed these things before, but now I’m paying attention. I’m seeing the substance. I’m playing around with it, getting my fingers and hands and toes and mind gritty with what’s there. I’ll figure out what to do with it later.
Breathing in
When I’m breathing in, I’m taking in all the energy around me. I’m taking in the fear, the judgment, the beauty, the rain, the joy, the green green grass, the heartache, the sand, the resentment, the forgiveness.
Breathing out
When I’m breathing out, I’m letting go of all the energy inside me. I’m releasing the fear, the judgment, the beauty, the rain, the joy, the green green grass, the heartache, the sand, the resentment, the forgiveness.
When I breathe out, I’m making room for what I’m breathing in.
So, let me be as conscious of what I’m breathing in as what I’m breathing out.
Breathing in is all the things I want to take in for myself. When I breathe in and I think about how wrong it is for this child behind me to be yelling at his mother for attention in the library, I take on all the negative energy of that judgment. And if I don’t breathe it out right away, I hang on to it. Until I make a conscious effort to release it.
It’s not that I need to be overly specific in my releasing, in fact, it’s the opposite: I need to be general, and then drill down as necessary. When I am conscious of my breaths, I need to release negative energy. I need to release judgments. I need to poke around in my unconscious and release residual anger and resentments. There may be little or no scientific proof, but I know like I know like I know that stored negative energy like that causes illness and cancers and very bad things that I don’t wish to reside in my body. I’ve read Anatomy of the Spirit a few times, bit by bit, piece by piece and keep it on my book shelf as a reference guide. But wait…before the releasing, there’s something else…
Reading Anatomy of the Spirit a hundred times over won’t change my breathing or my resentments or my fears or my judgments. The reading creates awareness, and then it’s up to me what to do with that awareness. Just like meditation. When I meditate, I become aware of me, of my here and now. I become aware of what’s happening in my mind right now. Of what’s happening in my body right now. What I choose to do with that awareness is entirely up to me. Which is probably why meditation works for some and not for others.
Which brings me back to this breathing in and breathing out. For now, I’m noticing what I’m breathing in. I’m noticing what I’m breathing out. First, create the awareness. And then take the action. So many times I’ve gotten ahead of myself and tried to change behavior, but I had no idea what behaviors I was trying to change. I just knew I wanted to be different, to be “better”. Better than what? Better than who?
And so, for now, I’m simply noticing me, which I’ve said before. See, there’s a lot of me to notice. There’s the coach, the woman, the mother (surrogate, and of animals, but a mother nonetheless), the friend, the business owner, the blogger, the tweeter, the house cleaner, the music lover, the consumer, the guest, the diner, the runner, the flip-flop wearer, the painter, the disciplinarian, the picture-taker, the cuddler, the meditater, writer, the thinker, the analyst, the laugher, the humorist, the lover, the cheese connoisseur, the toe crosser, the driver, the pet sitter, and the 400 other -ers I am at any given moment of the day, week, month, year. I bet if you sit for even a minute, there’s a lot of you to notice, too.
Along with the noticing of who shows up in these three minutes of silence each day, I’m noticing the judgments. I’m not doing anything about them just yet, I’m simply taking note; I’m seeing what’s there. I’m breathing in, I’m breathing out.
I think there will be a natural flushing of some negativity, as well as a natural integration of positive energy. This is what my intuition tells me. She tells me not to worry about the outcome, not to worry about anything at all, in fact. Just notice; just be.
I’m listening.
What do you notice about you?
© 2010, Authentic Realities. All rights reserved.
