Habit: Day 8

by Dian Reid-Jancic· Follow Dian on

This morning I woke up at 6:55am. And again at 7:30. As soon as I saw the time, I thought, “I’m late!” I jumped out of bed, grabbed my iPod, and went out into the living room. The cats were yowling for food. “But it’s 7:31, and I should have started my meditation 60 seconds ago!” I reminded myself that meditation isn’t about timing, it’s about calming. And to calm the cats, I needed to feed them.

I sat down for my meditation and began to breathe deeply. “Re-lax,” I slowly chanted to myself as I started to meditate. My thoughts would not calm. My heart raced, and I couldn’t help but feel like I’d let myself down.

We all go through something like this when things don’t work out just the way we’d planned. We just need to get over ourselves.

Over the last week, I’ve grown to love my morning meditation. I’ve begun to see the difference in my daily life the meditations have on me. I have a focal point of calmness to refer to whenever I feel myself being irrational. I can close my eyes and be closer to God with just one deep breath. I’ve learned that my meditation time is surely not about the time of day I practice, although in order to create this habit I do need to be consistent with that time of day.

The bottom line? I am not a German or Japanese train.

I’ve been to both Germany and Japan, and can say from experience that if you don’t arrive at the station on time and get yourself onto the train before the time of departure, the train will leave the platform without you. These trains arrive on time, the depart on time. Every day. Without fail. But I am not these trains.

I am human. Every now and then I’ll arrive to my meditation platform a little late. My meditation will not leave without me. Why? I am my meditation. I am in charge of when the meditation begins. This is not about having power or control over my meditation, it’s about having conscious choice.

I can choose to be upset or I can choose to go with the flow. This morning I chose something in between.

I allowed myself to feed the cats and try to relax as I sat down to meditate. But once inside, I could not concentrate. I could not focus. Rather, I spent 16 minutes trying to focus instead of just letting the focus come to me. Of course, I understand in my head that this is what I need to do (just let the focus come to me), but I’m still working on just how to do that.

I guess I’m still a work in progress. Aren’t we all?

And so, with that I ask… How will you forgive yourself today?

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