21 Days of Fearless: Day 20

by Dian Reid-Jancic· Follow Dian on

Dian ReidThe end of this campaign of fearlessness is nearing, and it’s forcing me to look at everything I’ve learned. More on that tomorrow. For today, I’m soaking in life.

For some reason, we go after all these things in our lives, and forget entirely about who we are.

If I don’t have a house by the time I’m 30…
If I don’t have kids by the time I’m…
If I’m not married or in a meaningful committed relationship by the time…
If I’m still driving this car…
If I don’t finish school…
If I don’t get that job…
If I don’t make six figures by…

It’s so easy to get caught up with all these things. But the truth is, none of it matters. At least not until you’re right with yourself.

If you own the house by the time you’re 30, but you slaved your life away and didn’t enjoy getting there, then what’s the point?

If you have kids just when you thought you should, but neglected the idea of having time as an adult for yourself, then how present can you be with those precious kids?

If you get married or stay in a relationship just because you think you should be there because everyone you know around you is there, how much of yourself are you sacrificing just for that appearance?

Notice a pattern? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t work hard to own a house, or that you shouldn’t get married or have kids because you’re young. What I’m saying is that you should know you, love you, honor YOU before you move forward into these things.

When you’ve taken the time to get to know yourself–really know yourself, as an adult and not who your parents or anyone else thinks you should be–you take a lot of the guesswork out of whether or not you’re making the right decisions. When you take the time to get to know yourself, you learn what works and what doesn’t. You know that you cherish an hour a day to meditate, so you work out a plan with your husband or wife to take care of the kids while you take the time to honor yourself so you can be present with the life you have created for yourself (for example). Or maybe you know that you cherish your time without kids, so this saves you from marrying someone who wants kids the moment you get married. The point is that you’re making educated decisions because you know yourself.

So why am I on this tangent, seemingly from nowhere? Because I’m 34 and just bought a house this year, even though I really wanted to be a homeowner by the time I was 30. I used to live by way of FOMO–Fear Of Missing Out. I took a promotion for more money a few years ago, and ended up despising not only the role I ended up in, but myself for accepting that role. Had I taken the time to recognize that I love working with people and helping them grow, I never would have left my lower paying position for the higher paying position that ended up requiring me to sit in a room for 8 hours a day talking about processes and data systems.

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and that I’m right where I should be. I know that my resignation from the corporate world led me to taking time to write my book, which led me to more self-discovery than I could have ever imagined, which led me to life coaching, which led me here: 21 Days of Fearless.

So, what have I learned? By knowing myself, I get to grow and help others grow. There was a time when I didn’t care to look at myself because it all seemed too scary. I based my life on what had already happened to me. I just knew that I was destined to end up hurt and abandoned because it had happened so many times before in my life. But once I started digging deeper, I found that I’m amazingly resilient. I found that not only am I NOT destined for hurt and abandonment, but that sometimes those things will happen, and I will survive. I will survive because I’ve learned who I am.

These days of fearlessness have not been entirely about being fearless here and now, but about looking back and seeing where else I’ve been fearless and learning from those experiences. Trusting those experiences and that fearlessness to lead me, to guide me into my future, knowing that what ever happens, all is well and just as it should be. And I know this because I know me.


Karen Pery September.22.2009 at 3.55 am

Beautiful writing and thoughts. Look where you’ve come, not just in 21 days, but to be exactly where you are right now. You have inspired me.

Dian Reid September.22.2009 at 4.49 pm

Thanks, Karen! And I’m really looking forward to whatever comes next =)

Karen Pery September.21.2009 at 8.55 pm

Beautiful writing and thoughts. Look where you’ve come, not just in 21 days, but to be exactly where you are right now. You have inspired me.

Dian Reid September.22.2009 at 9.49 am

Thanks, Karen! And I’m really looking forward to whatever comes next =)

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